


in the face of defeat

by cwtchbuddy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Feelings Realization, M/M, POV Kageyama Tobio, Realization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-26 22:01:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10795620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cwtchbuddy/pseuds/cwtchbuddy
Summary: After their loss to Aoba Johsai, questions arise and force Kageyama to realize something.





	in the face of defeat

**Author's Note:**

> The Winners & Losers play kept haunting me even days after watching it, so obviously I had to do something to make it stop. Although it only made the memories more vividㅜㅇㅜ It's my first time to write Kagehina and this is what I produce…I'm sorry;;

The loud cheers are not for him, not for them. The whole gymnasium, and not just the opponents on the other side of the net, feels like the enemy. Kageyama should feel angry. He should be mad at himself and his shortcomings. He should be sad that he lost against Oikawa. Instead, he feels hollow. The setter didn't exactly expect them to win a landslide victory against Aoba Johsai but he didn't see such a defeat.

His eyes scan their half of the court and his gaze instantly falls to where Hinata is, spying tears that are about to fall as the middle blocker looks at his hand in disbelief. It is the scene that pinches his heart, finally making him feel something after realizing their loss.

Kageyama had promised Hinata to give everything he has, to set up the best plays for his teammates in order for them to win. But, alas, his best still doesn't seem to be enough as the scores favour the Grand King's team and not his. The setter senses a weird, unidentified but not so unwelcome feeling when he sees Hinata walk without the usual spring in his steps. It's a bit odd for him to watch his partner look so lifeless as he is dragged to line up to give their final greetings to the other participants.

 

They don't talk after leaving the gym as nobody seems to have the energy to open a conversation, life sucked out of them by their loss. They file into the van quietly, taking seats mindlessly. Hinata opts for a single seat even when he sees that the space beside Kageyama is free. From where he is seated, the setter observes the other with a forlorn expression. The bright, sunny hair atop his head looking out of place with how long his face is, eyes blank as he stares out the window. Hinata smiles when Shimizu gives him a little something to eat on the way back to school but it lacks the usual warmth that it emits; it's not as contagious as before. It's so out of the norm that it makes Kageyama turn away and watch the changing landscape instead, unable to stomach watching the other's sadness any further.

From time to time, the setter's eyes flit to where the middle blocker is. But every single time, Kageyama just gets irritated after finding out that Hinata's countenance has yet to change, his smile has yet to return and his usual energy has yet to fill the space with excitement. Kageyama feels that he has to do something to change the mood and this thought makes him stops short, realizing something.

It's unlike him to worry about someone, especially if that someone is Hinata; a rival despite being a teammate. He knows the middle blocker will go back to normal after he gets over the fact that they lost, after he realizes that they are not yet strong enough to defeat the Grand King. But something eats at Kageyama, as he once more glances at a spaced out Hinata. Questions along the lines _"What if he doesn't recover?"_ fill his mind.

Kageyama shakes his head, willing the looming queries to leave him. They stay, however, and bug him throughout the rest of the ride. His eyes keep wandering to Hinata's direction and it doesn't help his mind from spouting more questions. The latest one is what forces Kageyama to turn his whole body to face the window, giving his eyes no chance to glance at Hinata.

_"Why are you so worried about him?"_

 

After Coach Ukai and Takeda Sensei's surprise dinner for them, where Kageyama finally pulled Hinata out of the sorrowful bubble he has created around himself since they left the venue – because he tells himself he cannot allow the middle blocker's mood to sway the others' as well – he catches up to Daichi, Suga and Asahi. He gives the other setter an expression that is partly confused and partly hopeless and Suga is quick to comprehend, sending the other third years away to _have a talk with his son_.

"Is it because of today's loss?" Suga opens when they start walking. The elder halts then and observes Kageyama, inspecting him as if something is _missing_."You're not walking home with Hinata today?"

The younger grunts, remembering Hinata's hunched back when he walked out of the school premises with his bicycle. "I think it's best to leave him to his own thoughts right now."

"You say that but you're actually worried sick about him." Suga laughs into his hand when Kageyama turns to him, wearing a shocked _How did you know?_ face. "Oh, Kageyama, you're so easy to read. You didn't even know that you kept glancing at him with a concerned expression."

Kageyama begins to worry that he's been unconsciously making whatever face Suga tells him he made whenever he sees Hinata make a mistake or is sad about being not good enough to win. He doesn't even notice he and Suga have stopped walking until the elder throws the previous question to him again. The other setter points to a bench where they can sit and allows Kageyama the time to think about his answer as he chooses a drink from the vending machine, milk for Kageyama and some sweet juice for him.

"Well, it is because of today's loss," Kageyama says after thanking the elder for the drink. Unfortunately, Suga doesn't interrupt him this time, doesn't connect the dots and say it out loud for him. Instead the elder waits for him to actually put the words together and spit them out. "Hinata," he says plainly, hoping the other will understand. But Suga just nods and gestures for him to continue. "Do you think he will be all right?"

"You do trust him, right?" Kageyama nods in response. "Then why are you worried about him?" Suga wonders.

Before the younger man can even stop his mouth, the words have already come out, "I have the same question."

"Ah, so that's really it, huh?" Suga nudges Kageyama's flank, an eyebrow flying up to his forehead in a teasing manner before giving the younger a smile that a mother would give to her own son. "You're asking why you're this worried about Hinata?"

There's really no reason for him to deny because that is really why he came to Suga for advice, so he nods and quietly sips on his drink.

"Maybe because he's special." Suga starts, putting down the box of juice and smiling to himself. "He's important to you and you hate seeing him sad. You hate not seeing him smile so brightly and genuinely." There's a long moment of silence that forces Kageyama to look towards his senior's direction. Suga is looking at him with a fond expression on his face and the younger fears what he will say next. "You want him to stay happy."

Kageyama quickly turns his head down again, feeling his face heat up for some unknown reason. Beside him Suga starts laughing, a little boisterous for someone who just lost a match. He feels the elder pat his head twice and then he squeezes Kageyama's shoulder.

"It's up to you to figure out the rest but I think," Suga giggles again, "I think you already know what this all means." He gives Kageyama another squeeze and his voice becomes soft again, "You don't have to tell him now. You can take your time, just not too much of it. Let him know what you feel and make him aware that you're there for him and that _you_ ," Suga pokes the younger's shoulder, "want to make him happy."

Suga stands up and throws his juice box in a nearby bin before saying good bye to the younger. Kageyama stays there for a long while, backtracking on everything that just happened and reliving memories that revolve around Hinata; finding, searching for that very moment he fell for the middle blocker. The thought makes him stop and grip his empty milk box. He wipes a hand over his face with the realization. He closes his eyes and counts to three. When he opens them, the scenery is still the same but something inside him has changed.

"I like Hinata." Kageyama breathes out and he immediately regrets it as he feels himself blush one more time. He makes quick movements afterwards, standing up and throwing his trash before walking away, thoughts of Hinata running through his mind. He gets to his house, enters his room and almost forgets to put down his bag before flopping down to his bed, mind too clouded with his teammate's wide smile and sun-like appearance. Unconsciously he reaches for his cellphone and opens it without really knowing what he'll do.

"I'll tell him someday." The setter quietly tells himself, closing his phone after scrolling through his contacts and stopping at Hinata's name. "Not now," he slips the mobile device under his pillow, places both hands over his chest and closes his eyes, "someday," he repeats and falls asleep with Hinata's bright, smiling figure looking at him.


End file.
